I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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