my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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