the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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