I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
