Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize