You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
