I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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