he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
