angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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