I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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