Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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