She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
