belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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