I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
