did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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