your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
