you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
