My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
