So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
