:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
