i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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