I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
