why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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