In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
