I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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