Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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