yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
