i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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