are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
