Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
