like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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