i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
