I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
