Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize