Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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