I just pynch a tree in the face
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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