Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
