Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
