Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
