You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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