oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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