you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The uberlube is also flammable
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
