i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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