And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
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