Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
