i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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