she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
