I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
