I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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