And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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