You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
