Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
