Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
