I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
