Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
