i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
