Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
