I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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