i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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