You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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