He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
