i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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