I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
