he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
