I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.