Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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