Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
