Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
