How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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