If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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