i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
