So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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