you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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