She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
