grandma shit on top of the toilet
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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