just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
