I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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