And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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