I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
