Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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