Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
