Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
