I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
