Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
