Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
